Just die, tie-dye

I recently met a friend for lunch. She had on the most amazing tangerine-orange nail varnish. Halfway through our meal, the tangerine turned lemon yellow. Either my eyes were done for, or there was some strange magic occurring.

But there was no dark arts involved. It turns out she was wearing a nail varnish that changes colour according to your body temperature. It reminded me of those Hypercolor t-shirts from the Nineties. I mentioned this to her. She had no idea what I was talking about.

In 1991, Hypercolor was the must-have item for any fashion conscious teenager; t-shirts, hoodies, shorts and leggings that changed colour when you heated up and cooled down. Millions across the world were obsessed, including me.

But fashion is a fickle business and the Hypercolor phenomenon was short-lived, mainly because it had a fundamental flaw. Body parts heat up at different speeds. Arms and legs take a few minutes. Armpits, nipples and crotches take seconds. Turning up on a first date with a t-shirt and leggings showing your hot parts is not ideal.

Hypercolor: good on nails, bad on clothing.

This trip down Memory Lane made me think… what other Nineties comeback fashions should be stopped at all costs?

Crop tops and tube tops: The horror of an exposed midriff.

Bodysuits: With knickers, double VPL. Without knickers, just nasty. Plus, you get an all-night wedgie. Impossible to do up when coupled with alcohol, and wee on your hands if there’s no toilet roll.

Playsuits: So easy to wear. So naked when going to the loo.

Dungarees: If you have a short body, they cover you from the chin down (maximum frump). Too long and you get a lovely front wedgie. One strap undone makes you look as chic as Eminem.

Dad trainers: Your Dad would wear them. End of.

Round glasses: If you want to sport that child wizard look, then be my guest.

Bum bags: Nope.

Hoop earrings: Get caught on everything and everyone. Ripped earlobes are so 1997.

I can cope with all these comeback trends. Heck, I owned most of them back in the day. But there’s one that must be stopped at all costs: tie-dye.

It looked cool at Woodstock in the Seventies. But fast forward to 2019, and it will always look like you made it yourself on a rainy Sunday, no matter how much you paid for it. It suits no one.

And because of the hippie association, it makes you look like you need a good wash.

Walk away from the tie-dye. Hopefully fashion designers will stop looking back and start to look forward and come up with something new. I mean, what’s next? Scrunchies?

Wait… what!

Photo by Joshua Stitt on Unsplash